In the Philippines, the name Marites has become synonymous with gossip/scandalmongers and Nosy Parkers. These are people who love sniffing, spilling, and asking for the tea.
A few weeks ago I found myself confronted with an acquaintance from yesteryear who made me realise how truly toxic Mariteses are.
MARITES: How are you? Had the urge to look you up cos we haven’t spoken in so long?!
I looked up our message history. The last message I had from them was over five years ago, probing about a previous relationship. I clearly did not respond then because
- Marites is not really a friend
- it was a trauma-triggering question
- it was an old issue and we have all moved on
- I refuse to discuss past issues with randoms
- it’s none of their business.
Anyway. I responded this time, thinking it was just casual pleasantries. “All’s well and steady. Thanks! Hope you’re good.”
Wrong move. This gave them an opening.
MARITES: It’s been so long! Glad you’re happy! I know we haven’t spoken for so long but I want to know… What happened to you and your ex?!
Well… hello there, audacity. I tried to remain calm.
“Hi. Ex is an ex. But lots of things have happened since. Like I’ve a new partner and we bought our place… and my sister passed away.”
Maybe pushing the dead sister card will shut them up?
I was wrong.
MARITES: Oh yeah. I saw that! Did she get sick?! Anyway what happened to your ex? Are you annulled?
FUCK MY LIFE. No condolences, no I’m so sorry for your loss, no niceties about the death. More pressing about ex issues. At this point, I was enraged, bothered and quite frankly, amazed at the sheer insensitivity. Is this person for real?
Kill ’em with kindness, a voice said.
“Right. Yes she died of complications from Covid. Yes, annulled. But let’s not talk about past issues. Anyway, have fun and enjoy your day.”
Reader, she then went on to give me unsolicited opinions about why my previous relationship did not go well, and what she thought of my other half.
I didn’t bother responding and thought it was about time to delete and block them altogether.
This situation made me reflect on how society has become so entitled when demanding access to information we desire (but not actually need).
I have seen public figures berated for some of their life choices, and crucified when they act in a way that doesn’t fit fairy tale narratives. Never mind that more often, these life choices and decisions do not affect their ability to serve honestly or entertain the public. People want more: “they owe us the truth, they are public figures and celebrities after all so they should cater to the public – we need to know the why’s and how’s, we need to know everything!”
And it also goes from the smallest of societal units to larger communities, too. People demand to know as they feel they deserve to know.
But people forget that everyone has the right to be quiet, and you can’t just ask questions because you want to, just because you can.
I genuinely believe there is dignity in keeping silent. Your family doesn’t have to know everything about you – a shared bloodline does not mean a shared soul. Your best friends do not need to know every single opinion you have even though you disagree with theirs. Your peers do not need to know what your salary and bonus is. Your spectators do not need to know why your relationship did not work out. Etcetera, etcetera. You have the right to remain silent.
Because no one owes anyone any information. The desire to feed one’s curiosity is never going to be more important than one’s right to privacy.
“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. ”
And that, my dears, is the T.
KiKill ’em with kindness, a voice said.Kill ’em with kindness, a voice said.
thegirlnextshore 